Wednesday, May 16, 2012

A Promise to Myself


I didn't intend to start off here with such a heavy post.  I fought against it for days, but . . . here it is.  

Before I started this blog, I was elated.  I mean, I could write about anything.  I didn't have to write about the kids or school.  I could write about things I'm interested in.  My mind raced with possibilities.  Then, I sat down to write.

At this point, I should explain something.  I have never been one to suffer from writer's block.  I might get stuck on a plot point or need a few days to work out a character flaw or some detail of that nature, but I could always, always sit down and write.  Fiction, articles, anything.  The words came.  It might be crap, but I got words out on the paper.  Words I could make not-crap later.

But, when I sat down to write here . . . I froze.

Then, it hit me.  I haven't written anything like this in years.  I think it all stopped after my dad died.  I had bled enough of my soul, I had nothing left to put on the page at that time.  So, as a sort of act of self-preservation, I shifted to fluff writing.  Now, there's nothing wrong with that.  I enjoy a nice, fluffy novel now and then, so I'm not noting this as a negative shift.  Just a shift.  I wrote romance and capers and I killed off characters and there were happily-ever-afters.  I had fun writing.  With my freelancing, I wrote how-to's, gave parenting tips, and logged craft and homeschooling projects.  It was all honest and real, but it lacked substance.  It lacked me.  My heart.  My soul.

I think, in opening up this space, that this is my way of saying it's time to open up again.  Time to bleed on the page once more.  I don't intend for all of my posts to be this heavy or that opening up needs to always be some somber or depressing event.  It simply means that I'm making a promise, to myself, to suit up and show up, at least once a week, to bare my soul.

2 comments:

  1. Hmm. I pretty much stopped writing when my mother died. Different reasons though, I think, but still. Well, you know I'll be reading so please keep that promise. :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Amy. It's harder than I thought it would be.

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